In life,

adeptatadapting @ 2009-08-28T23:41:00

2009-08-28T15:43:28Z

hello people, I've converted to tumblr already. I'll still keep this acct to view friends entries, though I probably wont be posting here anymore. View me at amemoryaweek.tumblr.com! (:

Goodbye.

Life is but a dream

2009-07-18T17:05:49Z

And oh, let's take it easy and celebrate the malleable reality.
Cause nothing is ever as it seems, this life is but a dream.

Today I wondered what it would be like if our life was but a dream. It may sound a little random but wouldn't that be life changing? Firstly, our perspectives would change. Would we give a heck what others thought of us if we were but dreaming? Would we harp on the bad, bear a grudge and be sad over things that we have failed in? If my life was but a dream, I think I would want it to be a good one and in a way, I can do whatever I want and forge out something that I think is truly happiness. And i would be happy cause the result of that dream would only matter to me as dreams are in reality.

That would be spectacular cause I think I'm currently living a life hinging too much on how others react to me while things have occured to me how little other people's swings of mood are due to me. Its kinda like sitting on a seesaw with a fattybombom and I'm unbalanced and I'm just holding on cause i don't wanna fall. I can't exert much influence on how the seesaw goes cause I don't wanna fall but can only helplessly wait on for the fattybombom to bounce around and hopefully lead me on a joyful ride.

Since this way of life has led me to being so unfulfilled and unhappy, then I should really learn to lead a life for my own shouldn't I. But I was always under the impression that a life that is truly happy can only be gotten through such dependence. What an irony. Its like you have to take a chance and end up either truly happy or truly empty.

So what does this mean? Honestly I'm still trying to figure it out. But for sure its time to put on some weight of my own and grasp some control over the ride a little more.

I feel that its time to care less to feel better. To live a life not for others. To place more emphasis on the joys in my life and not harp upon what others feel, what I think others will feel and what I think may happen to me. Because I am tired of this life I've lived. And why not? Since life is but a dream.

__________________________________________________________________________________

On a seperate note, I actually loved ~~squabbling~~ having a friendly discussion with you today cause that was one of the few times recently that we actually spent quality time with each other. And for that, I am grateful and glad (:

adeptatadapting @ 2009-07-02T22:18:00

2009-07-02T14:57:58Z

I've been rather lazy and my life's been rather routine so I put off blogging for awhile. But that said, I've had luck of getting my mc extended for another month, which is good for me to really train up for another month before going back to camp. I've been adding good sessions of gym and short - mid distance runs. All those jumps, squats and runs do make my knee more stable, though the swelling keeps coming on after every session. Physio sessions' been quite useful even though its just weekly cause Pauline keeps the sets high and the break minimal. It is a good 1.5 - 2 hr training with a bunch of similar fated army guys in my acl sports class. haha the whole class of 8 suffer the same fate as me and almost every week i see new people joining the acl rehab class. This acl shit is really affecting alot of people. That said, I'm still thankful for my doctor who gives more mc than others, allowing me to get back to fitness properly.

Speaking about physio, I've accepted the MOH overseas scholarship to study physio in Australia, probably University of Queensland. It's probably the best scholarship to take for physio alrd and I've always wanted to take on a health-related career. Since medicine is out, I guess this is quite a good choice. For now. There are still two years more to be fickle about it and I guess I will still try for the edb one at the end of the year.

Anw, got my own acoustic guitar! awesomeness. Haha dragged Kelly along to buy it with me cause he has a similar one and even dragged him along for classes, which i'm hoping doesn't turn out totally useless. Now all that's left is to learn it and play more songs. Yeah man.

My sister has been muggin real hard for her Os, which reminds me of the so-near-yet-so-distant time when I mugged hard for my As. =/ Comparing my life now to a year ago, it's really slack. Somehow or rather, I'd rather be back a year ago. It's probably because of the company and the really enjoyable time of soccer, school, study, sleep. Ah well, better to be forward looking. I can't wait to kick a ball again!

I guess there are plenty of things for me to look forward to, like that liverpool match coming up. Do hope I'll be available to watch it with her and book in after that! (: And, I'll be aiming to get back to soccer end of the year, and I do think that's a generous estimate of the time needed to do that. But well, I sure gotta make sure its in tip top shape before making the return. In the meantime, it's back to more rehab, running and physio.

Peace out.

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

adeptatadapting @ 2009-06-10T00:11:00

2009-06-09T16:45:21Z

Hello world.

I received an offer for MOH scholarship on Saturday to study Physio in Australia. Prior to receiving the mail, I was quite sure that even if I got it, I would reject it and go ahead with my plan of econs at fass should the appeal for med fail. Medicine has always been the first choice cause of the combination of being able to save lives, challenging work, a job in the healthcare industry which I kinda like, has prestige and a comfortable enough pay. But that said, when plan A fails, plan B and C comes into play. Between econs and physio, I would say econs comes out tops right now and I hate to say it but a significant part of the reason why is monetary in nature. I can see myself being more devoted and passionate towards physio than maybe being an economics and the working environment is probably much better and more relaxed as a physio with more inter-personal interaction and being able to make a direct impact on the recovery of others. But man, the remuneration of a physio is really low should internet sources be right. This compared to econs which commands a considerably higher pay puts me in a spot.

Of course, as Thomas Edison ( or was it dale carnegie who talked about him?) once said, "Do something that you love and you'll never work a single day." Can being a physio really generate such job satisfaction and more importantly, in this realistically materialistic world, can job satisfaction really overcome the monetary aspect?

Against romantic notions, I really believe that it can't, at least not in the case of physio as I don't think it generates enough job satisfaction. I would never want to work just for money but there is a certain basic level that I would want and public sector physio's not near that base.

Another key factor for me is that there is almost no turning back if I really take physio cause I would probably have to do that for my whole life, while for econs, I still have options. That said, that's how specialists come about, doing the same thing for a long time, sharpening their expertise and becoming the best in their fields. So as long as I know that this is what I like, the narrowed path is not a real problem.

Of course, in every situation you gain some and you lose others. I need more information on the prospects before I can make a more informed and hopefully correct decision. Will wait for the briefing to clear my doubts then.

In other news, I'm waiting patiently to see and talk to the tigeress once again(:

adeptatadapting @ 2009-05-25T13:45:00

2009-05-25T05:46:01Z

adeptatadapting @ 2009-05-24T16:36:00

2009-05-24T08:47:16Z

Just bought a bike. Sweet.. Went for an hour's ride around the park and beyond. It was liberating, going at speeds I haven't been going for awhile. Haha. Well, and it helps to build my quads so its the best of both worlds man. Been self-learning guitar lately, it's the first time learning an instrument besides the recorder.. just learning it to play songs, so let's see how far it takes me. I like it though, so chances are good.

Mood this week has been up and down, or rather down and now up. I think the mood's getting better with the condition of the knee. met up with the clique ytd, not bad, caught up with them and had fun talking, eating and drinking.

I realised that I really don't have a clear idea on what my interests or future lies in and I would have to start exposing myself to insights and experiences through books. Have a few in mind already, will get down to reading it soon and also start planning my options for the future soon.
Hopefully that will narrow down my options and I'll have a better idea by the time it comes to application again.

Sayonara.

adeptatadapting @ 2009-05-21T00:03:00

2009-05-20T16:10:33Z

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

disappointment and a deliberate change in pov

2009-05-09T14:43:01Z

After many days of constant checking uas and recently, joint admissions page, I was notified of a rejection from med. Initially, the news was a little hard to comprehend and the words "accepted into SCIENCE' kept staring back at me and me staring back at it. Then it sunk in and I was a little shocked, a little raging but mostly disappointed at the result. I've wanted to do this since young and I was quite confident of how my interviews went. Plus, given that the grades were met, I thought i had quite a good chance of getting in. Alas, not good enough. I think it was ultimately the essay which I think I wrote out of point, and probably a few answers that weren't good enough. Deep down, I want a comment sheet on what aspects weren't satisfactory or up to par with the other 260 people but damn it, I gave it my best thinking it was good enough but in the end, I still fell short of the standard. I've felt this too many times alrd, giving my best but not getting any real results or achievements for it. After a while it gets jaded.

But I guess the reason 50% of it goes to interviews and essay and portfolio is to select the suitability of candidates for the profession. If I had that much time to prepare for it and I still didn't make it, then I can only say that I'm not who they are looking for. Maybe it's fated and maybe it's a blessing in disguise. Since I'm not gonna take any science related courses in uni to bank on going through the duke graduate school way, I would think the most probable course would be smu econs. Months before, I have already been deciding between med and econs because i like the content of both but each has their own individual pros and cons. For eg, to study med would be to have almost no social life during and after uni, harsh curriculum, low pay, crap hours and high stress levels. While so, I strongly believe that there is a very immense sense of job satisfaction to have the power to save lives and that will overcome the odds. Keep the fire burning and everything else can be balanced if I put my mind to it.

Since the only hopes I have of getting into med is through appeal or hoping to get the places that anyone would like to reject, which are both extremely slim, I've decided to change my pov to focus on the reality and think about the pros of econs and cons of med instead. It may be a blessing in disguise not to get med in many ways though I would need to find other ways to ensure my future profession has meaning to me and can make a real difference to society.

Gotta take one step at a time and change along with the changes presented to me. Adept at adapting.

Everything happens for a reason. I'll find out sooner or later in the future.

the mundane

2009-05-07T15:18:33Z

Its been 2 weeks since the last post and as much as I would like to blog (haha okay no not really), nothing really major has happened in my life to warrant good reflections i should think. That said, I would still wanna pixelise down my mundane life and talk about it.

so its been about 4 weeks since I've been out of hospital and besides the everyday routine of exercises x2, tv, ps, comp, the occasional tuition, the occasional reading of a book whenever i get books from Delle, the visits to hospital for physio and checkups, my life has been pretty uneventful and meaningless to me. It's as though i'm living a void that is just for the passing, which I probably am. A day can pass and nothing important would have changed. Thing is, I've never gotten down setting my mind to doing something, like learning the guitar or piecing a ... puzzle.. cause well I don't have a guitar and the puzzle sucks. Or i procrastinate.

That said, i'm pretty glad that the daily exercises and gym has helped, and I can feel the strength of my left quads regaining slowly but surely. Oh yeah, last week the soccer juniors came over to visit. Was pretty funny cause Wayne, after reading the blog, decided to diagnose me with a muscle degeneration syndrome and told everyone my situation was like chew chor meng. hahaha. Ended up having Mr Khoo coming to my place speaking in a grave tone before lightening up after clarification, and good encouraging notes from the guys. (: a misunderstanding doesn't hurt much huh. haha.

A week before, had class gathering at my place. Was great to meet the class peeps again after so long. haha, there's still this closeness amongst everyone so talking, playing ps, watching tv and playing mahjong all ended up in a real good day, at least it was for me. (:

Time spent with delle was greatly cherished as usual, good company good times. (:

I can't wait to lead a normal life. So close I can almost taste it.

Oh ya, today while surfing brightsparks, I realised that many people have been accepted into medicine. Sadly, not me! Or not yet, I would like to think. Apparently they send out in batches so today was the first batch. Cross fingers and hope the good news will come soon. (:

adeptatadapting @ 2009-04-17T22:39:00

2009-04-17T14:47:34Z

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
~~3. Played in a band~~
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
~~7. Been to Disneyland~~
8. Climbed a mountain - only bukit timah hill ):
9. Held a praying mantis
~~10. Sang a solo~~ - yeap.
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris - will want to in this lifetime!
~~13. Watched a lightning storm -~~ haha we're in Singapore leh.
~~14. Taught yourself an art form from scratch~~
~~15. Adopted a child~~ yes class adoption of a child in sec 2!
~~16. Had food poisoning~~
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa
20. Slept on an overnight train
~~21. Had a pillow fight~~
~~22. Hitchhiked~~
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill - this is embarassing.
24. Built a snow fort
~~25. Held a lamb~~
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice - rode one in Korea though
29. Seen a total eclipse
~~30. Watched a sunrise or sunset~~
31. Hit a home run
~~32. Been on a cruise~~
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
~~34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors~~
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
~~39. Gone rock climbing~~
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
~~41. Sung karaoke~~
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
~~45. Walked on a beach by moonlight~~
46. Been transported in an ambulance - haha tekong safety rover counted?
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
~~53. Played in the mud -~~ yep soccer.
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
~~58. Taken a martial arts class -~~ Taekwondo when I was rounder.
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies - never!
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
~~64. Donated blood, platelets, or plasma~~
65. Gone skydiving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
~~68. Flown in a helicopter -~~ as a matter of fact, the Chinook! (:
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job - how to get fired when i've not been in one?
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
~~79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person~~ - when i was 5 or 6, such a waste, I don't really remember the scenes.
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
~~88. Had chickenpox~~
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
~~91. Met someone famous~~
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
~~98. Owned a mobile phone~~
99. Been stung by a bee
~~100. Read an entire book in one day~~ - depends on how thin it is.

This post is dedicated to my family.

2009-04-06T13:37:48Z

During the past few weeks in hospital, I have been blessed to have friends from primary school, secondary school, JC classmates, soccer teammates, soccer seniors and army mates visit me in hospital and show their concern for my injury and my infection. I love seeing my friends visit and love talking to them, catching up with them about their lives and sessions are the sessions that I treasure alot in my stay in hospital. haha, getting hospitalised helps with my catching up with friends plan. Thank you all! You have made my stay much more bearable(:

Delle also makes it a point to make it down at least once a week and converse with me everynight. If I had my way, she'd be my nurse haha. But hey thank you for your efforts to juggle work, trainings and popping by even if its only for a few hours to bring me joy(:

That said, this post is really about my family and how I'm really lucky to have them. Even though my parents and grandma always discourages me from playing soccer, when i eventually got the injury and went for the op, they were the ones who sacrificed their time, ROOM( haha), emotions and their activities to help me. In my first week after the first op, I was in excruciating pain and ran high fevers on and off. So my dad had to sleep in the same room as me to take care of me, to check my temp in the middle of the night, to help me clear the urine bottle, to help me with my meds, to even bathe me on the first day cause I was at a loss and pain. That may not have been necessary but he did it and that's why he's a great dad.

My mom took leaves to help me cope with the first few days at home, esp since I was having fevers and pain. Since I was pretty much bedridden, I had to call her many times to get ice, to check the meds and stuff like that in the day. She also ensures that my diet is correct and even though i always go against my grandma and her advice of not to eat stuff like eggs, chicken, seafood, and what not when the doc cleared everything, the hearts are there and I see them clearly.

After I got readmitted into SGH, my parents came down every night during the weekdays and brought me newspapers, brought me whatever I needed and helped me with my uni apps. I really hope I didn't show that I've been taking their love and concern for granted because their effortless company helped me through the nights(: During weekends, my dad makes a point to get me breakfast that I want while my mom goes to church to pray. She has developed more faith because of me. My sister is busy with her trngs and her mad rush to catch up with school work but she came last saturday and after two weeks of not seeing her, it was like I missed her. haha. But she did really well for Volleyball and her 3rd position was definitely hard-earned glory. She even got interviewed on Redsports! haha.

This is an excerpt from the article on Redsports.

Krystal, who served 21 consecutive points in the third set, was happy with the result.

“It was definitely unexpected to us. It was the first time I served so many balls and I am very happy to make this contributon to the team. I didn’t think about the results coming into the match at all, and I believe that’s how my team thought too.”

“With this being the last match for some players, enjoying the game felt more important than winning and I believe the results would come gradually from there.”

When asked what she felt about Bukit Panjang, she commented, “No match is easy. The fact that we all got into nationals top four, already proves we’re all teams with standards.”

I really think her replies showed maturity and humility. They sounded even better than those soccer stars post match interviews(:

Love is not about the sweetnothings but is shown so clearly through the actions and the sacrifices that people make for another. That I have seen through this period of setback in my life. Thank you GOH family! haha.

adeptatadapting @ 2009-04-06T14:29:00

2009-04-06T08:42:37Z

My Bucket List - A list of things to do before I kick the bucket (hopefully) in no particular order

1) Go watch a match at Anfield and sing "You'll Never Walk Alone" at the top of my voice
2) Play soccer again
3) Build a family
4) Influence my children and grandchildren positively
5) Give back to society when I'm successful
6) Bungee Jump!
7) Have complete faith in God
8) Be a MD (soon we'll know..)
9) Run a marathon
10) Travel the world: mainly - England, France, Switzerland, Prague, Spain, Bali, Hawaii)
11) Go to a concert
12) Keep my extended family close-knit
13) Love someone and be loved back forever (:
14) Love and accept myself
15) Get involved in a fight and win (YEAH!)
16) Learn how to play the guitar!
17) Change the life of someone for the better
18) Eat all the places in the black book and more! (:
19) Skydive!
20) Learn how to cook real well and organise a house degustation party woohoo.
21) Attend the weddings of all my close friends(: (This should be awesome)
22) Forgive people that I behold grudges and seek forgiveness from people I have offended
23) Have an awesome apartment and a warm home
24) Learn how to dance and dance with my wife even when I'm old (:
25) Enjoyed a life of love and joy
26) Laugh till I cry

That's about all I can think of at the moment so yep, hopefully a few decades left to complete the list.
Those reading this should do up their own list (:

adeptatadapting @ 2009-03-23T16:57:00

2009-03-23T08:58:05Z

hello world, I am blogging from within the four walls of sgh ward 75. haha. its both a genius and a luxury to have wireless in the hospital. From this tone, you may think I have been very slack, using army time to slack off, recuperating and stuff. and you are right, cept that the first week has been a nightmare. Constant fevers coupled with extreme pain is a combination no one will like and it boiled down to infectiono f the wound. The percentage of infection of the wound according to the doctor is quite high, like 1% -.- (He really said that) While there may be still lingering questions over when and how the wound could have got infected (isit during the op or during my time at home), I'm just really glad that there has been no more pain since the last op when they did the wash-out of the knee, and also no more fevers since 2 days ago. These are good signs and I really wanna start walking on crutches, start bathing (:P) and just start my recovery process soon. Of course, more haste less speed and the balance is fine and must be kept.

The past few days have been better and I managed to fill up the application form for nus med, thanks to the wireless again. The profession of doctor has been appealing to me but has been strengthened through reading a few books - inclusive of an autobiography - and these have given me better knowledge about what I am getting myself into. It certainly is not gonna be easy, on the lack of time part, the study till you drop part and the costly consequences of a doctor's mistake. That said, the job satisfaction derived from healing patients is tremendous and the very situational based practice makes learning eternal and the job exciting. Let's just hope I get in then.

Anyway, Liverpool have been owning. hahaha. 4-0 Real Madrid. Red faced kings of Spain. Oh they face the kings of england next. Man United need to just draw and the title race is about over. bam. 4-1. Man Utd are gonna whoop the next opponents. Oops, they lost 2-0 to fulham. Aston Villa provides a potential stumbling block for Liverpool. Wham. 5-0. What in the world is going on man, its like liverpool fans are dreaming. haha. Let's just catch up more steam and pray that Man U lose the plot and self ignite.

adeptatadapting @ 2009-03-06T22:10:00

2009-03-06T14:33:02Z

(: So, the dreaded results day have came at last and I was really surprised to have done well! Especially since my papers for sciences really didn't go smoothly. My KI is really a miracle after my totally revamped IS a few days before deadline and the not so well done essay. Ah well, really must count my blessings for my good grades. Now I have new found worries to worry about regarding the courses to take, overseas/local and maybe scholarships. =/ That said, I really hope that those who didnt do as well as they expected find the courage to move on and the journey continues.

My knee really isn't cooperating very well. hmmm, i really hope it doesn't get aggravated anymore before the op. To stand up and injure it is really (&!@#^%!*!%$!#. kinda like a wet blanket to the day. Am really happy for D too, even though it may be alittle marred but i still think you did awesome(:

POPing in 4 days :O Then its really couch potato for a long long time lo. Will need to find things to occupy myself and make quality use of my recovery period. Anybody any ideas? (:

adeptatadapting @ 2009-02-28T13:17:00

2009-02-28T05:55:46Z

The past few weeks have been a mix of happiness, friendship, pain and regret.

I entered army with the notion of defeating all odds, finishing my bmt safely, make great friends and have a meaningful and enjoyable bmt experience before the rest of the plan follows. Things were great at the start, getting gold for ippt, surviving the shit of field camp, going through sit test, being part of a superb platoon and an even greater section and i have made lasting friends. Then soc came and i reinjured my knee. Then, i was 3/4 through of bmt and i didnt think much of the injury, thinking it was just like the previous injuries. However, the frequent tweaking of something in my knee gave sharp bolts of pain, preventing me from putting weight onto it, and thusfrom walking. I knew something else was wrong, and that i had aggravated my injury and made it more serious. A combination of meniscus tear and acl tear and other whatsoever tears do not bode well for me, even with the prospect of surgery. To get random tweaking of a ligament or meniscus during my sleep or when sitting down is not funny at all, and i really hate it. I do not know whether the increasingly complicated operation will enable me to fully recover back to being fit for sports, but i'm guaranteed arthritis and i'm sure there are bound to be other problems associated with the injury.

There is a thin line between courage and foolhardiness and i crossed it. Thinking back, i failed to fully comprehend the severity of my injury and placed myself in a position of being at risk of further aggravating my injury by actually underoing soc. In the end, my plan failed and here i am, berating my decision, and accepting the painful aftermath. In my life, i've been prone to making the wrong decisions and i've added one more to the list. I fucked up this time round and hopefully I learn to be more rational in the future. If I never manage to return back to an active lifestyle, this may have been the worst decision I've ever made. God, please help me.

That said, since I reinjured my knees, I saw the concern shown by my section mates and some platoon mates, delle, my friends and my family. I then realised that sometimes they feel the pain more than I do and every rash and risky decision i make affects the loved ones around me as well. I am glad to have them beside me an I thank God for presenting them to me.

Having seen quite a number of doctors and Medical Officers, I've found an added reason to try for medicine. The profession of a doctor is a noble and prestigious one but there are few doctors who really put in their best to give patients a good and indepth explanation of their problem and give them sound advice. If i ever become a doctor, it is to present the patients with sound medical advice, correct and elaborate explanation of the problem without the big egos, and to help them get back to normal lives asap. At the end of the day, I believe that a good doctor must cure both the physical and psychological barriers to recovery and such practice really makes a big impact on a patient's life.

My POP is coming soon, in 10 days. I'll really miss some of my section mates but I am glad that i am inching towards the end of my nightmare of waiting and waiting.

Hope my next post will be of better news!

chapter: army!

2009-01-06T02:05:51Z

Before i begin this, I'd like to thank the jnrs for organizing the snrs farewell for us. Honestly hope that you guys can grow as people and in terms of soccer as well.

So, in 24 hrs, it's off to tekong and leaving civilisation for 2 weeks +. I have not met anyone enlisting 7 jan and at 10.30am so I'll most prob be meeting a whole new bunch of ppl there. Good in a way cause then I'll be forced to make new friends and not stick to ppl i know. Heard lots of army stories from snrs, cousins and friends alrd but i guessnothing beats experiencing it myself. So I'll be praying that my knee is competent and does not give me any big trouble, clear that low wall and sbj and other stuff that may test it. I'm actually quite excited going in, possibly becoming fitter and learning new things, making new friends, gaining new experiences.

But of course, I'll be much busier and I pray that I'll be able to keep a good balance between family, old friends, new friends, delle and.. a good rest. haha. well, I'll make the best out of this 2 years of service to the nation. I will miss many things but knowing that love ( all kinds ) is all around and waiting out there for me, is a good assurance for me to enter army knowing that what I'm leaving behind are permanent and lasting and will tide through this challenge.

Army here I come!

2008 - The review

2008-12-31T04:44:52Z

So, today is the last day of 2008. As the year comes to an end, let me cap off this year by reviewing the highs and the lows of 2008 in this humble journal. 2008 has been a year of drama and pain, a year of love and a year of lessons.

Never before have I experienced drama in such proportions, at least not that they have happened to me. March 2008, NJ soccer team went to malaysia and showed our worth there. We played like we gelled, like we were a unit. We showed no fear that our opponents were bigger, dirtier and more experienced. We showed them we were boss. Everyone's morale was high after the trip, we loved how we had played and I loved how we were improving. This was not a bad time to start peaking, 3 weeks before nats. Then came the friendly with St Pats. I clearly remember that the team wasn't playing very well in that game, might have been due to tiredness. Then i saw an opening and tried to dribble past the defence, when mr big guy stepped in took my legs away. I heard the rough sound of friction between my knee ligaments and bones as my knee sprained and ACL tore. Fuck. Not now. Not this close to nats. My knee swelled, i couldnt even walk for a week plus or bend my knee fully, and nationals was inching closer. So, with the help of uncle sam, I did icing and heat treatment and visits to physios - thila, uncle sam, and the unorthodox but excellent resonance treatment by justin - did help in my recovery, but it is my own body, and I knew it wasnt ready for anything like in malaysia. Fucking waste, I thought. But then, i knew that i wouldnt be playing a big part in the campaign. So, It was up to my teammates to step up. Then came the Siva injury and an impt DM was missing. The rest was history. Those who were called in to fill in the places gave their best and some really impressed. That's what a team is for. To cover each others asses and to make sure that the team functions well. Of course, there were many times when I have thought of what could have been if neither of us were injured and why does this shit happen to me. But then I realised that life has its own way of dishing out its surprises and this is part and parcel of life and passion. Life is not fair so just move on. The emotional whirlwind, for me, for everyone, was difficult to cope with but this will be a damn special memory to me, for as long as i live. A memory of resilience, of committing into something not guaranteed , of disappointment and more importantly, of being stronger.

2008 has also been a year of love and a year of taking chances. A year to have put the past behind me and move on to greater and more lasting things. So this year, my reward has been to have found a person who is willing to put up with my flaws, egging me on to do the right things, making me a better person indirectly and making me feel more complete. Thank you for sticking with me, and moments spent with you are really awesome(: No one knows what the future holds for us, so let us just wish that 2009 would be great(:

2008 has also been a year of friendships where I have re-met many friends, caught up with many neglected friendships and hopefully have been able to salvage them. haha. I may not have been a very good friendthis year, and I do hope that I find a better balance in 2009! I am thankful for the people close to me in my life, the soccer peeps, nsts + ad hocs, benny, cheryl and cs(:

With every end there is a beginning and thus these are my key resolutions for the upcoming 2009.

1) Keep in touch with my friends.
2) Be flexible in thinking, choose the best option as given when the pieces fall.
3) Be a better friend.
4) Give more of myself to the relationship (:
5) Be more involved with the family.
6) Get my knee back to full function and thereafter, get back to full fitness.

There, done. haha. Goodbye 2008 and hello 2009 (: May it be a great year ahead (:

adeptatadapting @ 2008-11-28T23:37:00

2008-11-28T15:55:41Z

hello world.

Today is a surprisingly calm day. Reading "A Million Little Pieces" was also surprisingly rewarding emotionally and triggered off the reflective part of me. It's seriously been the longest time since I actually read a proper proper book that isn't about academics in any way. Not KI readings, not internet readings, but deep factual and yet emotive and intelligible reading that draws me in and strangely, communicates to me parallel emotions and thoughts, though of different scale of course.

It is gonna be easy to not fear blood once I trigger the memory of a dual root canal without anesthesia.
It is gonna be easier to speak the truth, for ' the truth is all that matters" and "it is hard to be angry at the truth" prods me to be more vulnerable. Vulnerable to judgment and vulnerable to how people will view you.
It is gonna be easier to deal with addictions through knowing that even as the struggle exists, it will be better if I hold on. Hold on hold on.
It reminded to think more about religion and the purpose of it all.
It struck a chord in me to have a person who I can potentially share everything with and not hate me and possibly love me at the end of the day. And i am very thankful for that (: It is a rare thing to possess and i am a lucky bugger. haha.

Well, I'm only done with half of the book so there may be more insights waiting to be uncovered. A delicious thought. Haha. This is quite addictive and rewarding. I may borrow more books from my private library haha(:

Alright then, i need my sleep even though i'm not tired.

adeptatadapting @ 2008-11-17T17:45:00

2008-11-17T09:58:13Z

"Grow with me, the best is yet to be."

a simple, yet meaningful quote.

And so, all I have left is one bio mcq and that ends pretty much what my academic life has been searching for this past 4 years to say the least. The Big As. Well, the feeling was superb the moment it was "pens down" today. Played pool for like 3 and a half hours with bert, jason and doris. haha, was very fun(: Managed to clear my tornado-struck room and it was really good to have a clean and proper room back, though i required 3 large bags to throw the stuff away lol.

With only a little more than a month left before i enlist, I really should plan out my time well and utilise this break to the max. Besides hanging out with friends and of course D, I want to:
1) sign up for attachment with a hospital
2) help out the soccer team (if not on the field, then in some other way)
3) strengthen my leg whether op or not.
4) build my fitness

That should set me out for a busy yet fulfilling holidays before a two year break from studies. That said, I shall be building it up, pray that my knee does not give way from now till army, and give it a shot. Well, this is before my meeting with the specialist again on 25th, so these are all tentative plans. The last time I saw him, all plans were pretty much dashed. Gonna be better prepared with questions this time round.

Yup, damn this feeling of freedom is damn good!

adeptatadapting @ 2008-11-07T15:56:00

2008-11-07T08:24:29Z

my hell week has just come to a closure. (6 papers in 5 days.) I'm pretty glad tha it's over and at the same time, i just felt that it all was just a bad dream. Very possibly writing out of point for one KI essay, getting freaked out and being extremely careless for math p1, not knowing how to do the structured question on epistasis for bio and bloody hell chose the wrong question for chem. Hmmm, A levels was not as easy as I had thought it out to be and i certainly have been a little too overconfident and less calm as I have been for the past few years. but at the very least, each screwed up paper can still be salvaged and not all hope of A is gone. It was a pretty scary thought, that if the screwing up trend continued, i probably wouldn't be able to get the As for the subjects that i was confident in getting.

Then i realised that such a thought was a self-fulfilling prophecy and it would do me no good in having such a thought cause i would panic, get mental block, be frustrated at the thought of losing this battle when it has just started. So i decided to just enjoy my KI paper 2 and i found out that it helped. I was able to think better and not lose temper during the paper, think rationally about how to get around problems and not think " wth this is a levesl why so difficult" and lose my focus and coolness. haha. So yep, week gone, 6 papers down, 4 out of 6 not done as I should have. Lessons learnt: enjoy my papers cause for many subjects, this may be the last time touching them. No pressure, know that the paper is meant to test your ability and not to screw you up. These may sound trivial but in the midst of the A levels madness, the basics are usually forgotten.

Oh well then, 13 more days to go, 5 more papers to do and i'll be bidding my jc years goodbye. this place has been the home of many good memories, wonderful experiences, friendships, opportunities and lessons learnt. They say the grass is always greener on the other side and even though i've made mistakes, i would still choose to take the same path and meet the same bunch of people throughout these 4 years, play my heart out with the team, grow as a person and to have met D as well. as we both know, the mistakes mould us to be who we are now, and so, thank you NJ, for giving me all these. (:

Alright then, it's off to swimming. (:

adeptatadapting @ 2008-10-22T21:54:00

2008-10-22T14:26:01Z

well well, this is the meme i had to do to know what question 27 was, so here goes.

1. cheryl
2. cheryl
3. no one really.
4. delle
5. justin (loud chatterbox)
6. justin leong
7. raja
8. cousin daniel
9. delle
10. elaine, raja
11. cheryl, but pot calling kettle black really.
12. kate beckinsale
13. wilbert
14. maye
15. no one.
16. eng ping
17. wendy (not brain though, that's very developed)
18. wayne/zhili
19. eng ping
20. waltson
21. no one.
22. nope i do not think i know such a person.
23. coach arasu
24. marianne tan/mr dio (with their words)
25. no idea. maybe those ppl who club like mark or siva
26. kate beckinsale. (no?)
27. delle, raja, cheryl
28. ... not sophia.
29. soccer peeps (last batch and this batch)
30. Don't you wanna know what these mean?! (:

adeptatadapting @ 2008-10-04T14:16:00

2008-10-04T06:27:10Z

It suddenly struck me that i shld keep blogging consistently to actually remember stuff down the road, esp since my memory has a knack of failing me. haha yeah.

So, key events of my past week include

1) getting back all my prelims results, I am quite happy with them, though that's often a sign for complacency which i will avoid at all costs.

2) handing up my IS. HA! damn it. i really dont feel very confident about that piece of work. but its handed in alrd and i cant do much abt it except feel damn relieved i dont have to go through trauma and stress everytime wendy or mrs tan passes me back the script. So i will need to do well for my paper 1 and 2. that means more practices! that said, i'm still thankful for their help.

3) playing soccer. soccer's still fun when you're injured. i guess my knee's slightly more stable now that's why. yep.

4) studying and more studying. Well am starting to kick into gear for studying alrd, not very productive yet, but its about time to.

5) jukeboxing and jukeboxed - hope that'll continue yep(:

6) oh and i realised how fast and physical s league games are.

yeahh that's about it i guess. Now its back to the books !

adeptatadapting @ 2008-09-05T22:02:00

2008-09-05T14:15:18Z

well I've just got back the xray and just realised that it is quite lame. cause its a very blurry image of the joints, which in actual fact is not the reason why i went to the doctor for! and in the process of getting the appointment for sgh, things kinda flared up which i hate and this is just a whole lot of waiting. if next week turns out to be another useless piece of info that doesn't help me get back up and running, (&*(@#^!$!^!%&. aye. patience is a virtue that i must learn to possess more of. Just cannot imagine myself wasting my time away next year in the army being a clerk, thus the frustration. And i really want my knee back and the strain to go away. Come to think of it, it has only been a mth plus since the last strain so i guess i was wrong to have been assuming the time of recovery to be 5 mths since that fateful match with st pats. ah well. i guess i'll be continuing with my single leg squats alrd, and maybe some weights when the mr knee does seem abit better. more haste less speed yeah. learnt it the hard way. ah well, been quite stressed lately. with my not-so-productive studying sessions at home, a whole lot of distractions, all these uncertainties abt my knee. aye. gotta chill more. may God bless me with that ability and may things clear out soon. Am still eternally thankful for my jukebox though, heh. my song' gonna be played reall soon. (:

of coffees, profiterole, upset tummies and a wonderful day.. so? so le jiu na LAI chi.

2008-09-03T11:11:56Z

Run away from money
Quit your job and climb a tree
One with hearts instead of leaves
Build a sandcastle big enough for us to sleep
Paint it golden with the sunrise

Chorus:
Cause we are
Like a wingless bird
Crashing down
To the helpless earth
And if somethin's gonna break it
See it all around you
Feel it in your body
You'll be hiding in the shadows
Where love is still alive
'Til all of it is burning

Through a field we're walkin
Empty as the open sky
We escape from all the troubles
Found a waterfall and
Took a dive to cool our skin
Finally we found this feelin'

Run away from money
Quit your job and climb a tree
One with hearts instead of leaves

ok the title is very random. but wanted to end it off with a rhyme=/ haha.

Went to the zoo ytd haha, enjoyed it more than i imagined. haha. well it has been quite sometime since delle and i have been there so i guess a trip there is warranted. The giraffes looked very surreal and we spent most of our time walking and feeling enlightened by the many facts about these animals. Like how a polar bear's fur is transparent, how a giraffe spends 20 hrs a day eating -.-, and how to differentiate a leopard from a jaguar after debunking the myth that all jaguars are black. haha. oh well, the only bugger thing was the rain, but even that didn't dampen our spirits. haha.

Then we went to catch WAALLLL-LEEE and EEEEEVVVV - VAAAA. haha. it was fascinating to me how sometimes words are so unimportant in communication, though the movie was kinda abit short. haha but nice nevertheless. always count on pixar to deliver something worth watching!

Up next, profiteroles at bakerzin! Both our maiden trips to this well-known dessert place and my initial expectation of measly 3 pieces of tiny profiteroles were greeted with 3 large ones, with each having a large scoop of thick and rich vanilla ice cream in between the pastry! haha well for more details, refer to the black monologue.

then, our stomachs started to churn. grr, very bad. mine continued till this morn. i was just thinkingthat it might be some deadly combination of foods. like maybe coffee shouldn't go with ice cream? or maybe it as the zinger that did us in. zzz. oh well.

havent been very productive today though, kept getting distracted. oh well, but yesterday was great, really enjoyed almost every moment of it, except the churning and painful part. haha. 9.9 for the rest for me as well, just so you know(: thank you for the beautiful day!

okay guys, man city is on the super rise. Transfer of club ownership to Abu Dhabi United group, with total holdings of more than 26 billion pounds, dwarfing even Roman Abramovich, basically means that the epl is gonna be the best league in the world, where by next season latest, there will the top 5 teams in the league, and the simple fact that liverpool is screwed. Zzz.